Application For Permission to Date My Daughter

APPLICATION FOR PERMISSION TO DATE MY DAUGHTER

Note: This application will be incomplete and rejected unless accompanied by a complete financial statement, job history, lineage, and current medical report from your doctor.

1. NAME_________________________________ DATE OF BIRTH____________

2. HEIGHT:__________ WEIGHT:__________ I.Q. _________

3. SOCIAL SECURITY#___________________DRIVER'S LICENSE # __________

4. BOY SCOUT RANK ________________________________________________

5. HOME ADDRESS_____________________CITY/STATE_________ZIP_______

6. Do you have one MALE and one FEMALE parent?_________________

7. Number of years parents married:

_____________________________________

8. Do you own a van?_____ A truck with oversized tyres?___ A waterbed?______

9. In 50 words or less, what does LATE mean to you?

______________________________________________________________________

10. In 50 words or less, what does DON'T TOUCH MY DAUGHTER mean to you?

_______________________________________________________________________

11. In 50 words or less, what does ABSTINENCE mean to you?

_______________________________________________________________________

12. Church you attend? ________________________ How often?_________________

13. When would be the best time to interview your father, mother, and priest?

______________________

14. Answer by filling in the blank: please answer freely - all answers are confidential (that
means I won't tell anyone-ever-promise).

A. If I were shot, the last place on my body I would want to be wounded is _____________

B. If I were beaten, the last bone I would want broken is ____________________________

C. A woman's place is in the __________________________________________________

D. The one thing I hope this application does not ask me about is ____________________

E. When I first meet a girl, the thing I notice about her first is ________________________

Note: If answer E begins with a T or A, discontinue and leave premises; keeping your head low and running in a serpentine fashion is advised.

15. What do you want to be IF you grow up? _______________________________________

This MAY or MAY NOT Earn You Some BONUS POINTS:

Do you plan on owning a Honda GL1500 GOLDWING someday?_______________________________________

I SWEAR THAT ALL INFORMATION SUPPLIED ABOVE IS TRUE AND CORRECT TO THE
BEST OF MY KNOWLEDGE UNDER PENALTY OF DEATH, DISMEMBERMENT, NATIVE
AMERICAN ANT TORTURE, CRUCIFIXION, ELECTROCUTION, CHINESE WATER
TORTURE, RED HOT POKERS, AND HILLARY CLINTON KISS TORTURE.

__________________________________________

Signature (that means sign your name, moron)

Thank you for your interest. Please allow four to six years for processing. You will be contacted in writing if you are approved. Please do not try to call or write (since you probably can’t, and it would cause you injury). If your application is rejected you will be notified by two gentlemen wearing white ties and carrying violin cases (You might watch your back).